Monday, December 7, 2009

Almost missed it

I don't know why it is so difficult for me to learn some principles. I am sure that at times our loving Heavenly Father gets sick of having to present things several times before I get them but I am so grateful that he is patient with me and does. I am sure that this lesson is one that I will have to be retaught several times. Thursday was a whirlwind of a day. I even had tons of help and it was still crazy and difficult for me. My mom didn't have to go to work until late so she watched Seth and I got a little better morning nap than usual. Then we had Parent teacher conferences. I am pretty much sure that this is going to be something that is difficult for Rob and I thoughout Isaac's education. Brianna's was delightful. My mother in law watched the kids for the conferences. I went to Costco so that I could get the graham crackers for the activity for the Cub Scout pack meeting. Helping Andrea be in charge of the little activities for the pack meeting seemed simple enough when I was asked to do it. However I didn't take into account that I had the parent teacher conferences, or that Jaynee would need to nurse in the middle of trying to get over to the church to set up, or that Rob had his class and would not be there to help me.Even though I had gone to get some of the stuff the day before I decided that the graham crackers would be cheaper at Costco than Walmart or the dollar store so I was a mad rush to get everything done the day of...mistake I also thought that making the frosting would be better, less messy..mistake because it took more time. Luckily one of the Angels in my life was there and made the frosting. Amy Bystrom is amazing, I love that girl.Andrea is amazing she has her children help me unload the car, watch my kids during the pack meeting when they were running wildly through the cultral hall during the middle of it because they had just come from Grandma's and were on a sugar high from the cocoa and cookies she just gave them. I was rushed so I grabbed a Costco pizza to feed the kids while getting ready for the pack meeting. They were not that hungry obviously due to cookie overdose. I held Jaynee off from nursing during the entire pack meeting thinking that Isaac was going to get his bobcat. I am still not sure why he didn't get it but I am grateful now Rob will be there when he does get it. By the time we left I was completely spent. On the way home Seth starts saying I am thirsty. Are my kids the only ones that think that they should have every need met at a moments notice? They think that I am magical and can pull a juicey cup out of thin air. Most of the time I do have a spare in the car or diaper bag but he had already inhaled that amidst the travel to and from Grandmas. Jaynee is now completely fed up with not being fed and whaling in the background as I explain we will be home in a few minutes and I am hungry and thirsty and tired and at least I fed you dinner I didn't have time to eat. Then Brianna says here is my cookie. I say Brianna I can not hold your cookie I am driving. Brianna Well when can you? Me Well do you hear Jaynee I really need to nurse her first thing when we get home. Can't you hold your own cookie. I hear that pout in her voice but mom you said you were hungry. I then lost it and was a flood gate of tears. It is just not worth it to me to be so stressed out that I miss the sweetness of my child. I talked to Cherry and learned that I need to say let me get back to you instead of offering my assistance. I need to look at my schedule and if I have parent teacher conferences or anything that is taxing to let someone else have the oppurtunity to serve. I may have to sit a few games out on the bench. At my mission reunion President Snow taught us that the general authorities are really concerned about the members spending more time doing and not becoming. I really don't want to resemble that remark. I would rather be kind to my children than take on one more thing and with four children right now I need to stop step back and come to grips with the fact that even a little might be too much for me right now.

2 comments:

Wendy said...

I am the master of taking on way more than I can handle, Natalie. I totally feel your pain. Why do we do this to ourselves? I still don't have a good answer. Maybe because we're taught to never say no in the church? Maybe we need to look like we have it all under control and are never stressed out because we perceive others as being that way? I don't know. But I've had many days like what you described. I hate them. I feel like I'm short and snappy with everyone, including my kids. And it's just not worth it. It's a hard lesson to learn. I'm still working on it, too!

Juli said...

thanks for your post nat! i'm am guilty of the' doing' and not' becoming'. i get caught up in the 'doing' and am a snappy, mean mom. thanks for the reminder. i love you and your example of' becoming'.....

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Most days I love my life even in the moments things aren't pretty I usually find that I can learn something from them